Crazy Bear and Ragged Staff - Glory Day 06 - Sebastian Rogers' Write Up

The car was packed on Friday night so at the ungodly hour of 0730 I turned up at the Bulldog's with a large steaming cup of coffee. Ignoring many road works we arrived at Muswell Hill Golf Club by 0900 to find it a very superior venue indeed. The bacon sandwiches were great, the bear was good but the coffe was shit. Note to self bring own coffee next year. All kudos to Simon for finding it. I could tell the story of the day but won't instead I'll just give a few pictures and cryptic comments.

Ungodly hour, from left to right, Simon is looking for the legendary Naked Female Golfer of Muswell Hill. Roger is checking he still possesses a nose after snorting an unholy amount of Columbian Blue Whizz through a rolled up Ten Clack Piece. James is doping the opposing miniatures thus ensuing most participants will doubt their sanity when at lunchtime he announces he has won all his games. Greg is discovering that a Full English Breakfast can clog up even the healthiest system and is surprised at how similar French and English shitters are.

Moving at speeds in excess of human thought Alan "The Godfather" Saunder's spots a potential piece of cheese about to be used in the warm up game for those who have never played HOTT before. He strictly warns all those involved about the dangers of such a path and later will show the young lad an etching of Steve "The Cheesemeister" Price as a warning of where this dark path in life must eventually lead. Note the expression of shock on Lewis "The HOTT Doctor" Jardin as he realises what he was about to do, and that his flies are as open as British Airport Security.

As Alan whips the offending piece away and Lewis decides he'd better strip off the boy smiles, he was teasing all along. Meanwhile unable to move a muscle the other three bystander's have been mistakenly doped by James "Every one's a winner" Ewins in the belief that they were merely very large HOTT elements courtesy of Greg "If could tell vous my surname but zen I would hav to keel vous".

Richard "From the Far North" Crawley makes use of the facilities, reasoning that if Greg can do it in public and he's only a soft, but terrifying, Frenchman, so can a Sheffield lad. Items to note in this picture are that Richard often stands in for loveable 1970's teen rockers when it is necessary to unairbrush them out of reissues of Jackie, Bunty and Glory Hole (The publication for the more Discerning Girl). The hand and arm grasping his knee belong to Phillip "The Large One Armed Midget" Gooseplucker who he has sat on by mistake. The black cups were for use in the innovative "Spot the Player's Balls" mini-game that accurately recreated the political maneouvering in the Lunar Senate, needless to say Jane "Duck Me" William's won this as no-one could locate her balls. Richard will later claim the knives and forks behind him are culturally appropriate weapons for a Sheffield Boy before being overwhelmed by the heat in these tropical southlands.

Many thought this was a player rather than an element. I think I can now safely pass the "Player Most Obviously Overcompensating for an Outrageously Small Penis" award to Greg "But Six Centimeter's is Average" Privat.

Game One, Turn Twenty Seven, James "I've fucked up Getting Married by Clashing it with My Favourite Wargame's Convention" Ewins doping is working well. Despite his opponent rolling a string of sixes for his PIPs he has yet to move an element.

Alan "Strip Naked and Come to My Room Later Covered in Cocoa" Saunders has now achieved such a mastery of HOTT he can now win games without actually using his hands, rolling dice or moving elements.

However closer examination shows he is actually using the classic "miniatures with Breasts" maneouver against a wargamer, who after being informed that the figures represent that mythical creature "The Woman", half gorgon, half medusa, all bitch, and that those are what breasts actually look like spends the rest of the game in a state of sheer terror.

Alan's opponent, medical staff assure us he is doing well and will be fit for release into the community for GloryDay 07.

The game is over. Things to note in this final picture. Alan "Comes like a Pillar of Fire" Saunders is relaxing as he contemplates his mighty outpouring. Alan has now perfected his ability to do things without using his hands, see Pillar of Fire, and also that his willing acolyte and sex slave has brought him a pint of beer, unbidden. One of James victims has still not moved, however the staff at the Golf Club assure us he is still there, much beloved as a coat rack by the golfers and his doctor thinks he should be thawed out in time for GloryDay 07.